Consuelo's Calmate Novelty Sweater
Bernie swears this hoodie started as a lazy idea. “Make something soft, put a hood on it, humans will handle the rest.” What he didn’t expect was for it to turn into the one hoodie you keep reaching for without even thinking. Summer night at the beach? This hoodie. Freezing cabin dinner? This hoodie. Existential crisis on the couch? Definitely this hoodie. Built from a dangerously comfortable blend of airlume combed ring-spun cotton and poly fleece, the 6.5 oz weight makes it wearable all year without ever feeling too heavy or too light. The regular unisex fit and side-seamed construction keep it looking decent, even when you’ve clearly been wearing it way more than you should admit. This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Return & Refund Policy
If you buy this, you own it bro, we ain't giving you your money back, you're assed out!
Hard Returns & Exchanges
We'll just ignore your emails
Zero Customer Care (basically...Fudge you!)
Oh, you think we're joking? your ignorance just made our day! 😈
Shipping Info
We will say this really freaking simple, because you're really freaking stupid; Asking “Where’s my sweater?” every 12 minutes will not make the truck drive faster.
The driver does not feel your anxiety.
The box does not hear your cries.
It will get there when it gets there.
So, sit down, drink some water, and let the hoodie complete its heroic journey to your doorstep like the legend it is.
